Sunday, March 3, 2013

IT'S MORE THAN I CAN BEAR




I recently met up with one of my best friends from high school, Nicole. She’s endured a lot through her life, and I have always looked to her as an example of someone who was able to bear difficult situations with great strength. While talking with her I told her what a great example she had been to me in my life. I expressed to her how strong I thought she was and how I didn’t know how she had made it through all the challenges in her life. She replied, “I don’t know how I made it through either. I do know your family was a big support to me during my early years and was influential in my life.” Her sentiments reflected much of what I had been feeling.

Over the past few years I have complained to God many times saying, “This is too hard. You promised you wouldn’t give me more than I can bear!” Recently, after one of my desperate pleas, I heard these words so clearly in my mind: “You are right. This is too much for you to bear on your own. That is why I have surrounded you with so many wonderful people that are helping you through.” It’s amazing that Nicole expressed to me from her experiences the exact thing that was so powerfully manifested to me in mine: I cannot make it through life without the love, support, and example of others.

So many people have supported my family and helped carry us through our difficulties. It is impossible for me to adequately express my gratitude toward each and every one of them. I know that I have needed them in order to make it through our life’s challenges. Here are just a few of the ways that people have met my answer to prayer:
  • Our little family has received generous donations of gifts and money from family and good friends that have helped pay for Nami’s therapy and medical bills. Thank you for helping us with the resources to care for Nami in a way that we could not on our own.
  • My friend, Nicole, gathered freezer meals donated by her and her family and friends to help feed us. We have also had wonderful neighbors, family, dear friends and beautiful young women from my church who have contributed meals to feed us. To be honest, it has been years since I have really eaten dinner besides when eating at my parents’ or a family member brought me food. I have felt so much more energy as I’ve enjoyed each and every one of these meals. I have felt so grateful for the food that I started taking some photos:
  • I have had countless people spend time lending a listening ear, coming by to visit, offering to help with my kids, etc. There is a beautiful family who has been very persistent in helping me…thank you for watching my kids and for helping me clean my house (something that I have much difficulty getting to =). You have all made my load lighter.
  • I have to say that God must have known that I needed to be born into such a large family, 10 in all, because that is how many helping hands our little family has needed. They (including in-laws) each give of their time and resources to aid us. They are willing to continually revisit our needs and come up with new ways to assist us. They recently set up a family calendar where they sign up to come watch our kids so that Salesi and I can go on dates and to church.
  • I have had numerous students offer a helping hand, share kind words and bring me yummy treats. They are patient with my scattered-brain and bring so much joy to my life.
  • As I’ve stated in the past, I have been a private person throughout my life. Blogging is one of the last things I thought I would do, yet it has been extremely therapeutic for me. I have tapped into invaluable resources as I ventured more onto online communities. People from 45 countries have taken time to read my thoughts on my blog and offer me helpful advice. Thank you! I am especially grateful to those who are part of the TSC community. I would never wish TSC on any person/family, but it has been so comforting to be able to (because of the internet) share our experiences with those who know first-hand what our lives are like.
I have been naïve throughout my life in feeling that I was a very independent person. Accepting the reality that I am not as independent as I thought has not been easy because it has made me feel vulnerable, but I now know that I need others in my life. I have had to let go of my pride and take steps toward allowing my walls to come down. Thanks to those who have chipped and chipped away (or in some cases forced their way in) because you have helped me realize how silly I have been to refuse help. I have to say that I have missed out on much of the beauty of humanity by being so introverted and independent throughout my life.

I still have a lot of work to do on figuring out what “taking care of myself” looks like, but I finally feel like I am on the right path. I am not strong enough on my own. It is crazy for me to comprehend that I have needed the culmination of all this help, plus much much more, in order to start feeling like I will make it through. I have needed to understand that by not accepting help I am robbing Nami of the care that he needs and robbing my kids of their mother. Sorry to be so mushy, but I have been filled with immense gratitude and I felt the need to say thanks. I am grateful to all the doctors, therapists, medical personnel, etc. who care for our son and help us navigate life with TSC, but most importantly I am grateful to family, friends and even strangers who help me have the ability to endure.

3 comments:

  1. Love this post, I think I'm the same way, I HATE asking for help, even from Alvin or the kids. It is so hard when I am so independent (ok, stubborn). I have started telling myself that when I don't let people help me then I am making it harder for Heavenly Father to answer my prayers. After all, isn't that how our prayers are usually answered? Through others? And I may be denying someone else blessings that they need and could receive by serving me and my family. It's hard to look weak and like I don't have it all under control, but I don't think I'm really fooling anyone anyway :) I wish I could be one of those people that helps you out more, but our prayers for you count as something, right? Love you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Stephanie! And yes, your prayers count for A LOT. We need as many as we can get. I missed seeing you at our get-together. Let's do another one soon! Love you too!

      Delete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...